FEAR...i met up with fear today...siting in the middle of to scales and is up-down-ing. Which way i choice means i beat the other which one holds the right and one holds the wrong. Do you ever feel this way before? i think everyone one of us feel this way and we don't know what to do. I know that the right way is the correct way but the wrong side is making me to thinking deeper...Where which i go....which one should i turn too...i don't know...i want a confirm answer...But then, i read the day by day WOG. It talks about having Hope in praising. After i read the short real life story, i felt a warm feeling in my heart thinking that some unknown problem in me was taken away and that i really do want to reach out to the side of the righteous. Being as a human begin, i know there is a human nature that all of us have and that we often meet with this kind of problem like i having now but i know i can really rely on my Heavenly Father that even me sometime will have doubts and need to be clear. My Shep told me about my root problem and that by solving it completely is the best way as i not, it will still come back one day as i is like weed. You cut it, it will still grow but only to make it disappear for life is by pulling out the roots of the weed. That what i need to do. By going my comfort zone i really know i can see greater things in life and to learn more and experiences more. I know i will cry because of fear and things but i will always be a frog in a well if i don't gain my courage to jump out of the well and see the beautiful day outside the high wall of the well.
Yes, really...taking the first step to go jump out of my comfort zone is really very difficult and will start giving myself excuses such as I'm not prepare or i think tmr would be better but things don work like this as no matter how long you drag it you still need to face it one day...so i ask myself...'Why not now?...What is stopping me?' With all this in my head...the most and first it that i need to ask...'Do i have faith in my Heavenly Father who loves my unconditionally and wanted all the best for me...?...Do i...?'
I don want to fall into the trap of the devils but i want to follow the one who love and thinks for me...i don;t want the devils to be happy about the things i done as they are untrusted.
Dear Father, because of all these thoughts, i decided to follow you and to give it a try...i know there will be testing and i know there will be a lot of things that will make me discourage and break down...but all these is what i think now which my brain can be controlled by the evils so i don't want to trust my feelings and what my brain is thinking...i just want to follow you. Because my everything is in your hands and i want to trust that you will not do harm to me.
Protect me as how you protect everyone of us. Love me as How you love unconditionally Give me the heart of rest to overcome all this bad feelings... Let me trust in you fully and will not have bad doubts. For if i doubt myself, i am condemning your creations..
